Hey, Gay Men, What’s with all the misogynist dirty talk?
My sexual motto has always been “Service with a smile,” as much as one can smile with a cock in one’s mouth and/or ass, so maybe “Service with a Grimace/O-Face” might be a more accurate motto. Therefore, when a man is in full verbal rant and refers to me as a bitch, or makes reference to my ass as a pussy, I do not break the flow and deliver a lecture on misogynist language.
But as I currently do not have a cock in either end of me, I’d like to take some time to discuss dirty talk. Now, I do get it, sometimes the top/bottom thing transforms into a dominant/submissive thing and certainly in our society that has traditionally led to all things/roles male being seen as dominant and all things/roles female being seen as submissive, and for many gay men that meant enduring endless taunts of pussy and bitch on the playground and elsewhere, so it is not surprising that these roles and language have been transferred into the bedroom, backroom, sauna, public washroom, or wherever we happen to be sucking and fucking.
As many people have pointed out, gay men love to eroticize the oppressor, be it police officers or skinheads, and taking the language of the oppressor and turning it into sex talk is one way to reassert agency and a sense of control. You call me a pussy and a bitch, thus implying you are neither. You call me bitch and fuck my pussy, because I like it, a lot, the words are now associated with pleasure and fulfilment, not pain and diminishment. Everyone goes away happy.
However, it is interesting to note where a line is crossed for many men who have sex with men, and that is at the point where the words fag, faggot or queer are substituted in for bitch. For many who cuss with gusto using heterosexist/misogynist language, introducing out-and-out homophobic language appears to be one sexually-charged insult too far.
I suspect that faggot and the like are largely avoided as dirty talk because, not only does it cut deep and hard, but it is too equalizing. A top can maintain some semblance of straight identification if he calls a bottom a bitch and an ass a pussy, but calling the man you are fucking a faggot makes it clear you are both men, and you are fucking a man.
Cocksucker operates right on the border line. While it is certainly a favourite homophobic slur, in heterosexist sexual terms, a cocksucker could still be a woman. And it is more directly descriptive of what is going on, rather than metaphoric.
I have personally noted that while bitch, pussy, whore and slut are rampant across the man-on-man sex spectrum, the more one does not identify as gay, and the more one identifies as straight or bi, the more pronounced the use of bitch and pussy becomes. In particular, gay-identified men often substitute pig for whore or slut.
One particularly inventive gentleman told me that I sucked “like a sow,” taking misogyny and degradation to new territory. He was, needless to say, very hot.
Of course, many gay men, and men who have sex with men in general, do not use any so-called derogatory language during sex, and I am under no delusion that the current usages will change anytime soon; nonetheless, I would like to offer up my suggested list of dirty talk that substitutes in direct homophobia in place of misogyny, or puts in other degrading words that do not necessarily carry misogynist/heterosexist connotations.
In the end whatever comes pouring out of your mouth in the heat of the moment is what it is, so go for it. But like all aspects of sex, it is good to experiment.
The word on the left is the common one, the one on the right my personally preferred option:
Bitch Faggot – I dare you! Actually, I beg you.
Pussy Ass – Accuracy and objectification all in one.
Pussy Hole – I love hole/holes, so objectifying, but gender free, everyone has holes, and in Man-on-Man terms it can also refer the mouth, especially in the plural.
Cocksucker Cocksucker – somethings just can’t be improved
Whore/Slut Pig – I am torn on this one, as I personally not find the term pig sexy at all.
Breed Load – For those not familiar with the term, this means to fuck bareback and cum in the guy’s ass, e.g. Do you want me to breed you? This is clearly a heterosexual carry over, as the male ass is fantastic for fucking, but completely useless for procreating. This is why I much prefer Load, e.g. Do you want me to load your ass?
My fantasy sentence I want to hear: I am going to use your holes, faggot. You will suck my cock like the pig you are until I am ready to mount your ass and load your hole.